I'll tell you what's heavy on my mind: my weight! I think about my weight constantly. The majority of my thoughts and feelings involve how heavy I feel in my skin. It's the first thing I think about when I wake up, the last thing I think about as I'm drifting off to sleep. I think about it all day. Heavy resonates through my joints and feet. I think about my fat more than I think about the ones I hold most dear (I'm sorry to say). Oh, and I think about food all the time too.
Last year, I lost around 30 pounds. Throughout the spring and summer, I walked every day. Seriously, EVERY day, even in heat and humidity. I walked so hard that I began having knee problems. I had to slow down but I kept it up. As late fall arrived, I stopped walking all together. I had been off of sweets for 4 months. My eating was under control. As the holidays approached, I became busy and stressed. I turned back to my "old friends" for comfort. I am craving sweets again and I have been stress eating and just-because eating. I've been avoiding the scales, but I think I'm up 15 lbs.
Last night I watched the new docudrama on A&E called "Heavy". The show features individuals facing extreme life-threatening health consequences as a result of their obesity. The show was inspiring. I cried mysef to sleep.
This morning, I woke up with heavy still on my mind. But, what is also on my mind is the fact that I have the health and ability to get out and start walking again. I have the knowledge and willpower to change my eating habits again. Heavy will probably always be on my mind but I know that it needs to be at the back of my mind.
It feels good, getting this off my chest. I'll close for now. I hear a donut calling my name. JUST KIDDING!!!!