Thursday, February 14, 2013

Love and Sadness

On this Valentine's Day, my Dad lays in a hospital bed in a rehabilitation center, where he does not belong. My Mother is by his side. Dad had been in a hospital for the past 8 days. He is laboring to breathe as a result of advanced emphysema. He is also aspirating fluids into his lungs. (He also struggles because  he had lung cancer surgery in 1999 that resulted in the removal of a lobe of one of his lungs.) The rehab staff has been rude and inattentive.  They say he's too sick to be there but the hospital people said they had done all they could do and he needed to go to rehab.   A social worker told my Mother this afternoon, "I guess this is not a good fit for your husband", as though he were choosing a country club?! So, it's okay to throw the patient to the curb because he's too sick for your facility??? 

These past days have been the saddest of my life. My Dad is usually a fiery character, opinionated and grumpy (and also, a good and giving Dad and hardworking man) . But now he is passive, barely able to speak or stay awake. I never thought I'd say this, but I've missed his grumpiness. I want my Dad back. My poor Mother is sad and quiet and my heart breaks for her. On February 20th, they will be married for 53 years. I think sometimes they wonder how they ever put up with each other, but their love has endured, and now they are planning a great escape from the rehab place tonight. Dad just wants to go home and Mother wants to take him home. If she is going to be the one giving him the care he needs at the rehab place, then why not do it at home? (that's what she said) They aren't really going to escape but there was some discussion between them about doing it. When I first heard about the plan I was aghast, but then I realized  Mother is right.  

Mother will be meeting with someone later today to arrange for hospice care.


Perfectly Printed said...

I will be praying for you and your family. Finding care for elderly and sick parents is so stressful! I speak from experience....I am an only child and I thank God every day for my family and friends who helped me help my parents with these difficult choices. I learned from my Dad's last few months, so when it came time to help my mom I knew a lot! Hospice although a difficult choice, was the best thing for my mom. Loving caregivers, relief help for the family, I could go on and on. If I can be of any help please send an email. Thinking of you.
Warmly chris

Liz said...

Love and hugs to you in this difficult time. I hope you find the answers and the right place for your dad to receive the care he deserves! My prayers go out to your family tonight.

Laura said...

My prayers are with you and your family....Life is so difficult sometimes....

Unknown said...

I am so sorry but the hospice was the right thing to do....this is a really TOUGH time in your life, prayers coming your way....:) Sandy

Erica of Golden Egg Vintage said...

Tresa! I'm so so sorry! I don't know how I missed these posts about your Dad! And now all of a sudden I see that he was laid to rest today! Oh my gosh!
I'm sending hugs, and thinking of you and your family. Just so sorry that you have lost your Dad.
Erica :(

Monte said...

Sorry to read about the passing of your father. I am in Fort Wayne and know that Bob Middleton also passed away two years ago.
My father, George Ice, was a 1943 graduate of FHS and has recalled with many about his riding Jim on his 1940 Indian Chief motorcycle when Jim was between nine and twelve years old and playing hockey on the Winslow pond. He has a lot of great memories of Mrs. Nall as well. Dad is 89 now and lives on his farm just northwest of Anderson. I know it will be difficult when he eventually slips into history too.
Monte Ice