Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Heavy on my mind

I'll tell you what's heavy on my mind: my weight! I think about my weight constantly. The majority of my thoughts and feelings involve how heavy I feel in my skin. It's the first thing I think about when I wake up, the last thing I think about as I'm drifting off to sleep. I think about it all day. Heavy resonates through my joints and feet. I think about my fat more than I think about the ones I hold most dear (I'm sorry to say). Oh, and I think about food all the time too.

Last year, I lost around 30 pounds. Throughout the spring and summer, I walked every day. Seriously, EVERY day, even in heat and humidity. I walked so hard that I began having knee problems. I had to slow down but I kept it up. As late fall arrived, I stopped walking all together. I had been off of sweets for 4 months. My eating was under control. As the holidays approached, I became busy and stressed. I turned back to my "old friends" for comfort. I am craving sweets again and I have been stress eating and just-because eating. I've been avoiding the scales, but I think I'm up 15 lbs.

Last night I watched the new docudrama on A&E called "Heavy". The show features individuals facing extreme life-threatening health consequences as a result of their obesity. The show was inspiring. I cried mysef to sleep.

This morning, I woke up with heavy still on my mind. But, what is also on my mind is the fact that I have the health and ability to get out and start walking again. I have the knowledge and willpower to change my eating habits again. Heavy will probably always be on my mind but I know that it needs to be at the back of my mind.

It feels good, getting this off my chest. I'll close for now. I hear a donut calling my name. JUST KIDDING!!!!


sweetlittlelife said...

I certainly understand the feelings you are having because I have them too...all the time...(also when I'm not pregnant). I wish you could see what I see and that's a beautiful, kind, loving, and intelligent woman who brings a lot of joy to a lot of lives. One more month and warmer weather will be on the way, as will a little baby who will love taking long walks in the stroller with her grandma and mama. We will show her the tree and teach her how to appreciate the beauty of country living and the important things in life. We will also teach her how a nice long walk is a good excuse to talk, talk, talk! You can do this. I know you can! And I will do anything I can to help you! I love you, beautiful mama!

Susan said...

Hi Speedy Lady,
I'm new to this blogging thing and I stumbled upon your blog using the "next blog" button. First off, awesome blog! I love the style of it - so bright and easy to read. Secondly, I think your post here resonates with so many other bloggers, including me! You are just saying aloud what I am thinking sometimes! Anyway, one of my goals this year is to be more active. Here's to inspiration!

Happily Ever After Again said...

weight is always on my mind too. it's tough when we deal with those negative thoughts often. pray, pray, pray for happy thoughts and do the things that make you feel good about yourself!

Leasa said...

The story of our lives, isn't it? I'm sorry you are feeling so low. We can support and motivate each other. Love ya!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I hear you loud and clear. Because I feel the same. I just posted a similar post. (Now why doesn't that surprise me that we're thinking alike again?) Good for you! When we fall down, we have to just get back up, shake ourselves off and start again. I just joined Weight Watchers again a few weeks ago. My second time around. Here's to hoping it's my last. Wish we were closer in miles so we could walk together. XOXO

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I just noticed the date of this post. I re-joined WW on 1/22. Great minds do think alike. :-)